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Sleep, why do you torture me so?

When my alarm went off this morning I actually felt like crying I was so tired. Despite going to bed earlier than usual and despite taking Melatonin before going to bed, I was still up every hour five minutes before the hour to use the bathroom or just to check the time manically. And once 4 am rolled around I laid there exhausted hoping for sleep, begging it to give me those last two hours, but it was hopeless. That is until about twenty minutes before I needed to be up. That’s the worst – finally falling asleep right before you’ve run out of time. Needless to say, my morning was difficult and my eyes wanted nothing more than to close themselves without my permission.

Outside of my disappointment over lost sleep, the rest of the day my mind was met with a series of questions/thoughts surrounding my book and introduced to “Betwixt” during lunch. I didn’t get very far into “Betwixt,” only half way into the second chapter, but it’s definitely grabbed my interest already so I look forward to continue reading tonight after I complete a few other tasks.

In regards to my book though, it’s like all at once questions or ideas started flooding my mind – which I suppose is a good thing since I haven’t reached the parts of the book in my re-writes where these topics take place, but still, I thought I had it all sorted out and now I’m not so sure. There’s some continuity issues I’m having with the mystery end of my story that I think might make it weak if I don’t change the way I had initially intended to write it. And I’m also worrying that book two of my two book story will be far better than the first book which is obviously a problem because if I can’t make the first book equally as fulfilling no one will care to ever read the second one even though that’s where all the really great adventure lies.

Also, who dictates this magical number of words required for a novel? I’ve read several novels that far surpass this 70,000-80,000 criteria and I’m just wondering how they got past the ropes when some didn’t. Maybe if I wasn’t limited to such a small number my book wouldn’t have to be two books. I mean I have drastically reduced the word count already in the re-writes (my original first chapter was something like 8,000 words and now it’s only 5,000 and my original second chapter was 11,000 words and now it’s a little over 3,000) but I don’t think I could keep the overall word count low enough to meet these standards if I tried to merge both stories together into one book. Maybe I should just write them both straight through and let someone else tell me where to break it? Ugh, I just don’t know how to approach it!

And then, the biggest question or thought of all, that’s been there longer than just today. I need a reader who actually reads the kind of stuff I’m writing. My mom doesn’t really read anything outside of religious romance and my other reader (who only read snippets) doesn’t really read at all. I KNOW I need opinions with experience and I want them. Initially I wanted to wait until the book was actually finished to worry about finding a suitable candidate, but I know finding someone comparable isn’t always easy and I don’t want to be waiting forever after it’s complete just for an opinion. Also, I’m freakishly paranoid about revealing it to strangers, so ideally I’d like to know the person a little at least before I release my baby to them. I feel like I’m investing too much thought into this, but I can’t let it go. I like to plan ahead and this is something I wish was already sorted out. Plus it would be nice to have someone I could shoot ideas off of like my mystery element issue that will have some understanding of the story and keep it secret. But even as much as I want it, I’m scared of it.

Okay I’m annoying myself at this point with these damn questions and thoughts. Moving on my to-do list now and then “Betwixt” where I can ignore my mind for a moment and pleasure it with something else.

Yeah, that’s avoidance – I know. So shoot me.

Peace – Sarah